One Night Trilogy
by princessbuffy79
Summary: Three characters, One night, and big decisions
1. Time For Letting Go

Title: Time For Letting Go (1/1)  
Author: Melissa  
Email: [princessbuffy79@hotmail.com][1]  
Rating: G  
Disclaimer: Come on, if I owned any of these characters, would I be begging anyone to please read my stories? Sadly, Buffy and co. are owned by Joss, Mutant Enemy, 20th Century Fox, The WB, and whoever else holds rights. I'm just borrowing them for my own twisted pleasure for the moment. K.O.??? Also, the song is "I Can't Make You Love Me" sang by Bonnie Raitt and written by M. Reid and A. Shamblin.  
Summary: Someone must let go  
Spoilers: None really, but events up to "Replacement" may be mentioned  
Distribution: If you want it, go ahead. Just let me know where it's going.  
Feedback: OK, I've had my first taste of feedback and it's like a drug. I'm addicted. Don't cut me off.

**Turn down the lights, turn down the bed  
Turn down these voices inside my head**

I sense her presence in the room, long before she lies down on the bed for the second time tonight. She moves quietly, hoping that I am still asleep. I humor her, keeping my eyes closed and my breathing shallow. I don't want her to feel bad for waking me. But I've been awake for a while now, ever since she went out. Hunting, I'm sure. She thinks I don't know about her late night trysts with the undead. But I do. And it bothers me more than I thought it would. What is it that makes her leave the safety of home to go out to fight again?

It's not like she has not already gone patrolling. We do that every night before returning home to collapse in bed. Together. But lately, she gets up again after she believes I have fallen asleep. I hear her tiptoeing around the room, gathering weapons and then slipping out the door. The quiet click of the door has become a sound of horror for me. Every time she leaves, I fear that it will be the last time. Why does she have to go out alone? Away from me? Where I cannot protect her?

**Lay down with me, tell me no lies  
Just hold me close, don't patronize- don't patronize**

Buffy cuddles closer too me, burrowing her head into my shoulder. I wait until she is asleep before I open my eyes. God, she's beautiful. Her blond waves fall over delicate features. I close my eyes and picture her gorgeous green eyes and wide smile. Does she know how beautiful she is? I don't think she does. I often tell her that she looks great, but she just smiles a wistful smile and thanks me. But the smile never reaches her eyes.

She moans a bit in her sleep and wraps her arm around my waist, pulling me closer. I sigh and let my arm fall across her petite form. This should be perfect. Here I am, lying in the arms of the girl I love. But it's not. Perfect, that is. It can't be because she doesn't love me.

**Cause I can't make you love me if you don't  
You can't make your heart feel something it won't  
Here in the dark, in these lonely hours  
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power  
But you won't, no you won't   
'Cause I can't make you love me if you don't**

"I love you," I whisper to her sleeping form. The faint flicker of a smile falls upon her lips. I wonder whom she's dreaming about. I know it's not me. Oh, how I wish it were. 

My heart aches with longing. I have waited my entire life for "the one." And I finally found her. I know that. Deep down inside, I know that Buffy is THE one for me. She is far from perfect, but she's mine. I love each little flaw. Without them, she wouldn't be the person she is. I have grown to love each imperfection as much as I love her. Maybe more. But the one flaw I cannot love is the fact that she doesn't love me.

Buffy doesn't love me. I know that. She acts like the perfect girlfriend both around others and when we are alone together. To outsiders, we are the perfect couple. Xander even told me once that he was envious of what we have. But he doesn't see what I see. I see that when she smiles at me, it doesn't reach her eyes. I hear the soft undertones of "what if" when she speaks to me. I also hear her cry his name when she sleeps. I know whom she longs for. And it isn't me.

**I'll close my eyes, then I won't see  
The love you don't feel when you're holding me**

I close my eyes again and take a deep breath. I wonder if he knows how often she thinks about him. What would happen if I told him? Would he believe me? Probably not. He believes that she is in love with me. But it's an act, a sham. Her heart has always belonged to him. I have her in the physical sense, but I want more. I need more.

**Morning will come and I'll do what's right  
Just give me till then to give up this fight  
And I will give up this fight**

My eyes open my gaze drifts over to the packed bags lying in the deep shadows. I will leave her tomorrow. I don't want to. God knows I don't want to. But I have to. I cannot go on living this lie. It hurts too much. 

I feel the tears building up, but I will not let them fall. I can't lose control now, or I'll never have the strength to leave. To leave her. To leave my heart.

**Cause I can't make you love me if you don't  
You can't make your heart feel something it won't  
Here in the dark, in these lonely hours  
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power  
But you won't, no you won't  
'Cause I can't make you love me, if you don't**

Will she cry? Will she miss me? Questions run through my mind, but there are no answers. Will she run to him? Will he comfort her? Does she even know whom her heart longs for? Who she dreams of at night? I don't know, but I don't want to know. The truth would probably hurt me more. If that is possible.

But for now, Buffy is mine. I tighten my grip on her. She changes position within the circle of my arms. I bend my head and kiss her forehead. Tomorrow, I will leave. I will. But for now…

   [1]: mailto:princessbuffy79@hotmail.com



	2. Bittersweet Memories

Title: Bittersweet Memories (1/1) Story 2 in the "One Night" Trilogy  
Author: Melissa  
Email: princessbuffy79@hotmail.com  
Rating: G  
Disclaimer: Come on, if I owned any of these characters, would I be   
begging anyone to please read my stories? Sadly, Buffy and co. are   
owned by Joss, Mutant Enemy, 20th Century Fox, The WB, and whoever   
else holds rights. I'm just borrowing them for my own twisted   
pleasure for the moment. K.O.???   
Summary: Buffy reflects on who she has become  
Spoilers: None really, but events up to "Replacement" may be mentioned  
Distribution: If you want it, go ahead. Just let me know where it's going.  
Feedback: Feedback is good, very good.   
  
  
  
  
I wait for him to fall asleep. Once I realize his breathing has slowed, I slowly place my feet on the cold, hard floor. Quietly, I gather my clothes, which are strung about the room in a haphazard manner. I get dressed quickly and let myself out of the room. The door closes with a loud click and I wince. I hope he didn't wake up.   
  
Walking down the hall, I let out a deep breath. I didn't realize I had been holding it. Sneaking out at home had been easy, but when someone shares a bed with you, it is so much harder. But I just can't sleep. I am wound up. I need to fight. Anything to occupy my mind, keep it busy. Right now, I don't want to think about anything but slaying. My sacred duty has more of a blessing than a curse. It's something to do when I can't sleep.  
  
The bitter wind attacks my body as I step out into the night. Shivering, I wrap my arms around my body and pull my jacket tighter. The night matches my mood. I feel dark inside, a void deep inside that cannot be filled. I knew what I had to do, but it would hurt someone I love.   
  
"Love" is such a simple word. But its meaning is so complex. People toss about the word "love" like it is nothing. It's not nothing to me, it's everything. I cannot say, "I love you," to anyone without knowing completely that it is the truth. It would not be fair to me or to the other person.   
  
Riley told me the other night that he loves me and I know that he meant it. Riley Finn loves me. And what did I do? I said "thanks." How horrible am I? He loves me and that is all I can say? But I couldn't say what I really felt. 'Gee, Riley. That's great. You love me. Well, I don't love you. In fact, I'm in love with someone else.' That would have crushed him.   
  
I can see the cemetery up ahead. I used to resent this place and everything it represented. I am the Slayer, the Chosen One. It is my job to fight the things that go bump in the night. The cemetery holds so many memories. Memories of fighting demons, slaying vampires, and terror. I remember a make-out session with Angel that happened over on that tombstone, a study session with Willow next to that tree, and a heart-to-heart with Xander in the crypt that stands before me.   
  
I walk towards the crypt and hesitate on the steps. I can't bring myself to go in. I don't want to desecrate the memory with my presence. It would turn the beautiful thought into something dark, something evil. That is how I see myself now. Dracula was right. My power is centered on darkness, and lately, the light has been dimming. I have become such a horrible person, a bitch. I cannot believe my friends are still there for me. This past year has been a nightmare. I was so wrapped up in myself; I didn't bother to notice that they were going through some rough times as well.  
  
I sit on the cold stone step and cover my face with my hands. I can't stop the tears as they flow freely down my cheeks. The wind continues to blow and the salty tears freeze. But still I cry. I cry for who I was, who I am, and who I will never be again. I lost something this past year and I know deep down that I will never get it back. A part of me got lost in the bitterness over Angel's leaving.   
  
But that does not excuse the person I became. I hurt my friends, but mostly, I just hurt myself. I wanted so desperately to prove Angel wrong that I threw myself at the first guy to pay attention to me. Big mistake. Then came Riley. Here was this perfectly nice, normal guy who was interested in me. And I can't find it in my heart to love him. It's just wrong. He could provide the nice, normal life Angel wanted for me, but it wasn't what I wanted. Instead of loving Riley and making my life perfect, I love HIM and now I don't know what to do. I can feel him slipping further and further away from me each day, but I don't know how to prevent it. Why can't I just love Riley?!?  
  
Still sobbing, I take a deep breath. "Pull yourself together, Summers!" I whisper harshly to myself. I'm not going to solve anything by sitting here and blubbering like an idiot. Gathering my wits once again, I stand up and begin the trek back to Riley.   
  
I had come out to hunt, but once again, I ended up thinking about him. I can't help it. He fills my every waking moment with his presence. But does he know? I doubt it. I'm sure he has finally moved on with his life and I am now just a person from his past. Sure, we'll still see each other, but will I ever see that look of adoration and love in his eyes again? I ruined whatever chances I had with him and now I have to live with that fact.   
  
I slip quietly into the room. Riley looks so peaceful when he's asleep. I'm going to hurt him. I know what I have to do. Please, give me the strength to follow through. Riley deserves someone who will love him as much as I know he loves me. I am not worthy of his love. Or anyone else's. I don't believe I will be again until I learn to love myself. I must overcome this past year and try to regain a bit of the person I used to be. The one HE loved. The one HE could possibly love again.  
  
I climb under the covers and snuggle closer to Riley. Closing my eyes, I allow my mind to wander. I know I will dream of him once more. I always do. At least, in my dreams, we are together. We are happy. Tomorrow, I will deal with Riley. But for now…  
  



	3. Moving On

Title: Moving On (1/1) Story 3 in the "One Night" Trilogy  
Author: Melissa  
Email: princessbuffy79@hotmail.com  
Rating: G  
Disclaimer: Come on, if I owned any of these characters, would I be   
begging anyone to please read my stories? Sadly, Buffy and co. are   
owned by Joss, Mutant Enemy, 20th Century Fox, The WB, and whoever   
else holds rights. I'm just borrowing them for my own twisted   
pleasure for the moment. K.O.???   
Summary: Xander thinks about his life and love  
Spoilers: None really, but events up to "Replacement" may be mentioned  
Distribution: If you want it, go ahead. Just let me know where it's going.  
Feedback: Feedback is good, very good.   
  
  
It's so cold out here. I can't seem to stop shivering. But something keeps me out here, waiting. Not something, someone. Buffy. I will always wait for her. Pathetic, huh?  
  
I see her exit the building and rush off towards the cemetery. I follow her, at a distance. She moves quickly, but I know this route like the back of my hand. I know where she's headed. She's going to hunt again for the second time tonight. It didn't take me long to figure out that she often left the warmth of her bed to hunt alone each night. We would be talking and she would mention demons or vamps that she disposed of the night before. But I had been there and could not recall the creature she spoke of. There was no way I heard her wrong. I just seemed to be the only one paying attention.  
  
I can remember that first night I followed her. I waited outside for her. She didn't let me down. She had escaped the clutches of her beefy boyfriend into the freedom of the night. Her fighting that night had been particularly brutal. Her training was definitely paying off. The vampires didn't stand a chance.  
  
So why was I even there? I often ask myself that very same question. It's not like I'm still in love with her. * yeah right, who am I kidding? * I still love her as much as the day I first saw her. More even, because I now know her. I've seen her evil-bitch side and still can't help from seeing the good in her. She's my best friend. I know we're meant to be together, but how long must I wait?  
  
To be honest, I've given up hope of her ever returning my feelings. I am trying to get over her, to move on with my life. And I think I'm doing a fairly good job. I have a girlfriend who loves me. But is it fair to Anya? I'm with her, but my heart is elsewhere.   
  
'God, Xander, you are so stupid! You are lucky to have Anya. Get over Buffy and move on.' I keep telling myself this over and over, but which is stronger? The heart or the mind? I know my answer. I'm here, aren't I?  
  
I watch my love as she walks up to that crypt. I can't prevent the smile that appears on my face. The memories invade my mind. I remember the talk we had there, in that very dark and smelly room. She and I were so in tune with each other. She knows me better than I know myself and vice versa. But why can't she see it?   
  
She climbs the steps but something stops her. She hesitates and my heart breaks. Obviously, the memories don't mean as much to her as they do me. I close my eyes and turn away.   
  
My back turned, I almost didn't hear her. I listened closer and turned back toward the crypt. There Buffy sat, crying into her hands. Oh, how I long to hold her. To comfort her and tell her everything is going to be all right. But I don't. I stay where I am and watch. I am here to protect her. To watch over her. Not to interfere.   
  
Her sobs rip at my soul. My love, why do you cry? What is wrong? Why won't you let me help you? But I know the answer to that last question. She has Riley, why would she need me? But what does he have that I don't? That answer, too, is easy. He has her.  
  
Buffy stands up and composes herself. She is so beautiful. Even now, with tears streaming down her face. She reminds me of an Angel. But now my angel is returning to where she belongs. With him. I'm consumed with jealousy. I have wanted to be the one to hold her at night for so long, to wake up next to her in the morning. But it is not meant to be. She doesn't love me. I have to move on.  
  
I watch as she disappears through the door. Another night that she will live to see the day. I can sleep now. She is safe. But I can't go on living this way. It's time to pick up what is left of my life and start over. Maybe I need to go somewhere else, just until the day I wake up and don't instantly think of her. That day when I can kiss my girlfriend without wishing it was her. When I can fall asleep without worrying about her. The day I have truly moved on. I need to move on. Tomorrow. But for now. . .  



End file.
